$BOOMER / GLD

BACK IN MY DAY
WE JUST BOUGHT
A HOUSE.

I paid $38,000.
You’re paying $1.8 million.
Sounds like a budgeting issue.

I worked hard. Bought one house. Waited 40 years. Now it’s your problem.

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NO REFUNDS. NO EMPATHY. NO AVOCADO TOAST.

Smug boomer standing in front of a large suburban house with piles of gold
House purchase
1982
Purchase price
$38,000
Current value
ABSURD
Gen Z offer
REJECTED
Financial advice
STOP BUYING COFFEE
Self awareness
0%

FORTY YEARS OF HARD WORK*

THE ORIGINAL
10,000x.

Bought low. Waited. Sold it to you.

Boomer presenting a house with a rising value chart and gold foundation
I CALLED THIS “TIMING THE MARKET.”
“I sold my house to someone born in 1998.
Best trade of my life.”

THEN

House
cheap
College
manageable
Pension
yes
Job
one was enough

NOW

House
good luck
College
mortgage with homework
Pension
lol
Job
three minimum

SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY PROBLEM.

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Boomer with gold bars, property keys, coffee tins and financial papers
YOUR COFFEE. MY ASSET CLASS.
MY TUITION COST LESS THAN YOUR PHONE. MY MORTGAGE WAS LESS THAN YOUR RENT. HAVE YOU TRIED WORKING HARDER?

THE OFFICIAL BOOMER ASSET TEST

EVERYTHING IS FAKE.
THE ROCK IS REAL.

Can’t hold it? Don’t trust it.

AI?FAD.

CRYPTO?INTERNET POINTS.

BANKS?SUSPICIOUS.

THE DOLLAR?DYING.

GOLD?HEAVY.

IF IT NEEDS WIFIFAKE

IF IT HAS A PASSWORDFAKE

IF IT HAS A SEED PHRASEFAKE

IF I CAN DROP IT ON MY FOOTREAL

Tinfoil-hat boomer surrounded by a safe, gold, inflation papers and crossed-out modern finance symbols
BOOMER ALERT LEVEL
Inflation
HIGH
Trust in Fed
ZERO
Trust in crypto
NEGATIVE
Gold
YES
Canned goods
STOCKED
Bunker
PENDING HOA APPROVAL
Paranoid boomer clutching gold amid newspapers, falling charts and imagined disasters
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DIVERSIFICATION IS FOR COWARDS

THE BOOMER
PORTFOLIO.

Diversification is for people who don’t own property.

HOUSE45%
GOLD30%
401K15%
CASH IN COFFEE CAN8%
COSTCO STOCK2%
CRYPTO0%
EMPATHY0%
Happy boomer sitting on gold with a house, newspapers, dog and discarded bills
ROCK
HEAVY.
BAGS
HEAVIER.

No AI.
No crypto.
No fun.

Just:
house
gold
retirement
complaining

THE ONLY PAIR THAT MAKES SENSE $BOOMER / GLD

Paired directly with GLD.

Because modern finance changes every year.
Rock does not.

I bought the house.
I bought the gold.
I waited.

Now you can buy my bags.

BUY THE ROCK.
FEAR EVERYTHING.

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